This will be a short post, probably.
You know, lately I have had some good ideas but I cannot just sit in front of the computer and hope that something good comes to me. If it is not inspired then it is just me talking without purpose, with no direction, and to be honest there is no shortage of such talk and I am not wanting to add to that unless I have to--although I certainly do it at times. So, good ideas come and if I don't get them out immediately then they are gone when it's time to tell the world, or most likely my friends, a very dedicated few who go the extra mile to read my thoughts...or perhaps a stalker or two, but probably the first one more.
Lately Olivia and I have been experiencing life at a snail's pace, so it seems, and we're waiting for most things to happen, as we did while we were in Korea. Why, might you ask, were we waiting when we have such interesting lives? Well, not all of it happens at my pace, or in my timing and when it doesn't I seem to get frustrated and wonder why God is making it take longer, or why I am spinning wheels in Wilmington, and things like that. Of course we all know that this period should serve to grow us in some capacity but it's hard to just sit here and understand that God is doing something awesome when we're unemployed waiting for Immigration to get to our documents in a stack of thousands, or perhaps millions, of applicants. I guess this whole post is me wanting to thank God for all the things I am realizing He has done right despite the timing of them and how His timing is perfect--even though I don't necessarily find it the most convenient.
Yesterday I felt frustrated about things that I couldn't even grasp, making me wonder if I should have even been frustrated at all. Tonight I am more calm and trying to reassure myself, and Olivia, that we are going to be fine, and that God has something very specific and probably important to teach us now and I'm just a bit too stubborn to learn it and allow it to mold me into a more whole person.
You'd be surprised at what I am opposed to. Rich Mullins, a legendary Christian singer and someone I have a great deal of respect for, and someone I miss greatly, said in one of his songs:
"I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want Than to take what You give that I need ..." Well, that's how I feel right now. Truth be told, there are a great deal of things going very well in my life but I haven't the vision to see them, and I haven't taken the time to sit back and thank Him for them because I've been too consumed with what I want to be and be doing in a few months. Why do I always think it's about me and what I want to do and learn?
This is all I have time for now... If you have read this, thank you for your time. It's a bit more religious than you might have imagined but you'd be surprised what goes through my mind.